Waiting, waiting, waiting

I went.

I listened to my mother’s voice nagging in my ear. I listened to the kind and concerned advice from family and friends.

I went to the gynecologist.

The Diagnosis

Well there wasn’t really anything to diagnose, but the doctor did have a couple of concerns.

His first priority was that I schedule a mammogram (my first). From now on, I will have to do them every year.

His second priority, upon looking at my family history, was to recommend the genetic test for the mutation of the BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes.

Luckily, my insurance covers the test and they were able to take a blood sample right there in their lab.

What This Means

First off, I have to wait three weeks to know the result. That’s hard.

And secondly, the result terrifies me.

If the test is negative…

It could mean very little. My mother tested negative, and she still got breast cancer.

Her cousin had it, and she also tested negative for the gene mutations.

According to the CDC, “most breast and ovarian cancer is not caused by genetic mutations” anyway. So getting a negative result doesn’t mean I won’t get breast cancer.

Hardly comforting.

If the test is positive…

I guess if it’s positive at least we’ll know, right?

If the test is positive, then we can start looking into options and discussing possibilities.

Maybe it would just be easier if the test came back positive. It might make things more straightforward.

A Terrifying Emotional Load

A friend very eloquently said that all this comes with a terrifying emotional load.

I couldn’t have described it better.

Knowing my family history as I do, it almost feels like there’s an expiration date stamped on my butt.

Use by June 2050

Feeling that way can sometimes spur me into action (Life is short! Grab the bull by the horns!) or freeze me into depression (Is my life already more than half-way over?).

And I can go back and forth between the two (and be anywhere in between) several times in one day.

Talk about a rollercoaster.

Is this what a mid-life crisis looks like?

Dear Diary

54. Dear Diary: Write a poem or short story about a diary entry you’ve read or imagined.

https://thinkwritten.com/365-creative-writing-prompts/

Dear Diary,

Here are some observations I’ve made today:

  • My hair will never grow my “natural color” again.
  • Speaking of hair, I now feel the need to purchase beauty products called “No Mo-Stache.”
  • Eyebrow gel is a thing!
  • I LOVE my minivan. Yup. My minivan. I used to dream of a robin’s egg-blue convertible Fiat 500. Now I love my minivan.
  • I can (and probably should) use pore strips as an adult.
  • Spider veins are no longer in my future. They are in my present.

All these observations lead me to conclude the following:

Helloooooo Middle Age!

This is going to be FUN!