Let’s be Honest: Parenting is Tedious

Yeah, I said it!

PARENTING IS TEDIOUS!

C’mon, you all know it’s true. Yes, we adore our children. Yes, we share precious, unforgettable moments with them.

But let’s be real: those precious moments are balanced by an equal number of mind-numbingly dull interactions.

Most of our time as parents is taken up with negotiating somewhat healthy food into our children’s mouths, cleaning up after them and listening to them tell long, rambling stories that MAKE NO SENSE and HAVE NO POINT.

*Sigh*

Endless Needs

As a very wise (and honest) friend once said to me, the tedium of parenting comes from endless kids’ needs coming before our own.

As parents, we have to prioritize the survival of our children: clothing, feeding and getting them to school/daycare. Or just getting them through the day.

As a result, our needs come second (if at all).

I really admire those parents who can continue with their pre-kids activities with apparently as much dedication as ever. In my experience, while some things must continue (work, for instance), something always must give way in the face of our children’s needs.

I guess that is the sacrifice of parenthood.

Guilt Again…

In our family, we have each given up something in the face of parenthood. In my Chico’s case, it’s doing the sports he loves. For me, it’s been a career.

This is where the Mom-Guilt-Monster raises its ugly head.

I think: but if we don’t model self care and prioritizing of our interests to our children, how will they learn to take proper care of themselves?

I haven’t figured it out yet but I’m hoping we’ll all learn to strike a balance.

And in any case, even if we think we have everything right and we’re doing everything perfectly, I bet you our kids will grow up to complain to their therapists about us, anyway. Ha!

Picture Day Pitfalls

Last week we saw the poster up on the front door at school and got the flyers in our cubbies:

Picture day! Hooray!

The Bug and the Bear were pretty excited, and we went clothes shopping on Friday afternoon.

We picked some cute plaid shirts, some nice trousers, and the boys got to choose some fun items, too.

We have a rule in our house. The boys choose their clothes on a daily basis. I only require that they dress appropriately for the weather, but then they have full autonomy.

However, on special occasions, Mama gets to choose.

Since they usually get to pick, I rarely run into problems when it comes to special occasion dressing.

Normally, I give them a choice on those occasions. We’ll lay out some nice shirts and trousers for them to pick from.

For Picture Day, however, I was adamant. Bug was to wear his lederhosen.

Yes, lederhosen!

They’re beautiful, green leather, Bavarian lederhosen. They fit him perfectly, and come with a sweet coordinated plaid shirt embroidered with edelweiss.

For the Bear, we put him in a little Bavarian checked button-down shirt with a jaunty boiled-wool hat given to him by his aunt and uncle.

They look so handsome. Their shirts are pressed, their hair is combed… But then…

Remember, everyone:

NEVER EVER LET YOUR CHILDREN EAT THEIR BREAKFAST IN THEIR PICTURE DAY CLOTHES.

Or, if you do, don’t serve scones with strawberry jam.

lonely-in-the-playground

Lonely at the Playground

How often do you see parents reading at the playground anymore? Or chatting amongst themselves? Or even looking at their phones?

Not much, I’d guess.

I’ve spent a few months in the US, and the experience of going to the playground is entirely different here.

In Germany, parents would congregate in one area of the playground. Grownups would stand around chatting with each other, occasionally helping a child out, kissing a booboo or intervening when children’s interactions came to tears.

Otherwise, though, parents mainly talked amongst themselves, leaving the kids to do their thing.

Here, it’s completely different.

In the last few months of visiting various playgrounds in our new town, the only parents I have chatted with have been almost exclusively Germans. I’ve only had a nice conversation with one American Mom.

Most of the time I find myself sitting on a bench by myself, watching my kids play.

The other day, I realized what’s happening.

Parents aren’t interacting with each other because they’re too busy entertaining their kids.

Longing for playground socializing

As a newcomer to the area, I thought taking my kids to the playground would be a great way to meet other parents. Not so.

Small chats do happen, and people aren’t unfriendly. But most folks are so busy with their kids that they won’t stop long to talk.

At first it made me wonder if I was doing something wrong or somehow neglecting my children. Then I looked around and spotted my boys, one happily playing on the slides, another dangling upside-down from the monkey bars. They were fine.

They didn’t want or need me to entertain them. And frankly, I wasn’t much interested in the monkey bars.

So now I bring my book

Perhaps it makes me look antisocial, sitting there reading. I try to glance up regularly to look around and see if there are any other parents hankering for a good old-fashioned playground chat.

If you see me reading at the playground, don’t worry about interrupting. Chances are, I’d welcome the opportunity to meet someone new.

Lessons My Kids Teach Me

Three times in the last month, my Bug has had a major freak out over a minor boo-boo.

The first time, he completely lost it and went into full-on meltdown mode when I tried to clip his toenails. Normally, this is a non-issue. He’s fine with it. But this time he freaked out, started screaming, crying, howling and kicking his legs around.

The second time, a large scab on his knee came part-way off and was tugging and pulling uncomfortably. We sat down for me to look at it. When I told him I needed to cut it off so that it wouldn’t hurt him, he completely lost it.

Today was the latest episode. He got a splinter in his hand. He trustingly gave me his hand to look at. When I told him that I would have to take it out, he balled his hand into a fist, snatched it towards his chest, burst into tears and wouldn’t let me near it.

He was paralyzed by the idea of being hurt.

Of course, there’s not much I can do in these situations. Either I wait for him to calm down (which takes forever, if he does at all), or I would have to hog-tie him and pin him down in order to do what needs to be done. Not an option, as it’s probably illegal.

As you can imagine, these incidents are intense, frustrating, and pretty traumatizing for both of us. And even though I try to stay calm myself, I feel rage building inside me the longer his freakout lasts.

And then, just like that, it’s over! The splinter is out, the scab is removed, the toenails are cut–all painlessly.

Someone throws a switch in his brain and he’s suddenly back to being 100% fine. Yes, there are tear tracks down his face, but he’s like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The child that moments ago was shrieking bloody murder is now gazing at me peacefully, a big relieved grin on his face.

But I’m still mad.

I cannot throw that switch and suddenly go back to all-fine-mode. I’m angry that he nearly burst my eardrum with his shrieking. I’m mad that he didn’t trust me not to hurt him. I’m ticked off that something so simple has become such a drama.

But he remembers none of that. He has moved on to his next moment. Probably a cool leaf, a comic book, or a funny fart noise.

Do all children live so totally in the moment? Or is it just mine? And how can I learn to do that?

How can I learn to let the frustration, the anger and the stress melt away to nothing? To move on so quickly to happier thoughts?

Is my inability to do this part and parcel of being a grownup? Is it some of the magic of childhood that we adults lose?

Or maybe, just maybe, I can learn to do as he does with practice. Maybe I can learn to take a deep breath, look back into his enormous, teal-green eyes and see that the bad moment has passed.

A good one has begun.

Back in the Saddle

One year. One WHOLE year. (Okay, maybe a bit more, but I’ll call it a year.)

That’s how long I’ve been away from this blog. If I’m going to call myself a writer, I think I need to actually sit down and write. Amirite? So here goes nothing!

Time has flown by so quickly, and yet so much has happened.

We left Deutschland. Much as we loved it, we had to leave it. We picked up and moved, yet again, and our situation is only stabilizing now after months of drifting.

Since May, we’ve been in transition. Transition and change are tough on everyone, but especially small people who don’t understand what’s going on.

Our boys, being highly sensitive, picked up on our stress and anxiety and made it wholly their own. Not in a good way. In fact, in a pretty terrible way (especially for our Bug who is now 4.5). We hopped from country to country, and then continents, and the only thing that was consistent was me. I was the only person they saw every day, the only stabilizing force in their little lives.

That made them cling to me like barnacles to a boat. What made it so hard was that I had to be their rock when I felt like anything but. It was a long period of change, doubt, uncertainty, regret and questioning for me, but I still had to try to provide consistency and routine for the boys.

There’s the old line, “Fake it until you make it.” I think the last few months have proved that true for me. Faking it was me trying to impose routine and regularity by keeping to a rough daily schedule of activities, meals and naps. Amidst all the chaos, I did my best to normalize things for them. While I admit I could have done a lot better, I could also have done A LOT worse.

Now that we have our own space, the boys are in school, and we’re settling into a routine, I feel like we’ve made it. The boys are thriving, which is always gratifying to see.

Whether I’ve “made it” or not is still up in the air. But I’ve written enough for today. Let’s see if I can keep this up and write a little bit each week. Wish me luck!

back-to-school-feeling

That Back-to-School Feeling

Ah yes indeed, there’s a nip in the air and the days are shorter. I’ve got that back to school feeling!

There’s always a wistful feeling in September. Summer is over, it’s getting colder, and the year is winding down. But it’s also a time for a fresh start.

Figuring Things Out

Since my mother died, I have learned a lot. Without her to motivate me and encourage me, I have found myself coasting somewhat aimlessly through life.

As you may surmise from other articles I have written, I enjoy being a mom. My Bug and my Bear are delightful people, but as children they are not the most intellectually stimulating folks I know.

It’s taken me a while, and I’ve had to beat down some guilty feelings about this, but I have come to the conclusion that I am not meant to be a stay at home mom.

I don’t get much satisfaction from running the household. I’m not much interested in cooking (baking is another story, and my waistline is paying for that). I get bored and lonely being at home all day.

I need to get back to work. The only problem? It’s so much work getting back to work.

Lighting the Fire (under my butt)

After more than 4 years of either working very little or not at all, it’s not easy to find the energy required to get back to work.

Job hunting is a tiring, discouraging and slow business. Alternatively, building up my freelance business has its own challenges. I have to go out and look for clients, market myself, and throw in lots of time and effort.

It is so much easier, once the boys are out of the house and I’m on my own, to slip into habits of inaction or switch on autopilot. Laundry, meal planning and prep, cleaning, grocery shopping… All these things need to be done anyway, and they’re easier to do than job hunting.

But they’re driving me mad.

So I’m Heading Back to School

My long summer holiday is over. It’s time to gather my qualifications, my experience and my talents, and actually do something with them.

I’m going by baby steps here. As my little Bear goes through his “Eingewöhnung” process at daycare (a four-week period of settling into daycare routine), so must I go through my Eingewöhnung of getting back to school, and gradually increase my working time as the Bear increases his time away at daycare.

Hard to do it Without Mom

Mom didn’t let me be lazy. She would offer advice and motivation over FaceTime, or show up at my home to take over with childcare so that I could do what I needed to do to get back to work. She rode in like the cavalry to rescue me from inertia and idleness.

It’s hard to find the same motivation to do it without her. But now that the umbilical cord has been so definitively and abruptly cut, I’ve got to.

For my sake, and for my family’s health and happiness, I need to figure out how to push myself to do my best, with only the echoes of my mother’s voice to nudge me along.

Favorite Parenting Books

Oh, what the heck. I do not like to be called a “Mommy blogger,” but I’m going to go ahead and give some recommendations for our favorite parenting books.

When our first son was born, I often turned to forums like babycenter.com for advice. I read online articles and discussion boards. None of them helped assuage my anxiety.

Finally, as I wrote in an earlier blog article, I decided to quit the internet, and to use just a few trusted resources. Here are some of them.

Favorite Parenting Books for Pregnancy

Getting email updates is fine (especially if they’re funny), but nothing beats a well-researched book.

The Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy

  • What we liked: It’s packed full of research-based information, well-organized and easy to refer back to.
  • Not so hot: It’s pretty dry reading, but that’s about the only negative.

From Tiny Tot to Toddler: This is a free guide provided by the Quebec government to expecting parents, and is therefore not available outside of Quebec. The link might help you find out how to get a copy. It is FANTASTIC.

This is often referred to as “the bible” by healthcare providers in Quebec. If you have any questions about your pregnancy, or your baby, they often ask, “Have you checked in the bible?” It is CHOCK full of really useful information.

  • What we liked: EVERYTHING IS IN HERE. You can look things up by symptom, name, stage, etc.
  • Not so hot: Because it’s government materials, they provide ONLY official recommendations, and might frown on practices like co-sleeping, or other more “folksy” remedies or recommendations.

The Birth Partner, by Penny Simkin

Penny Simkin is a well-known US-based doula, and her book is for those accompanying pregnant moms. My brother gave this book to Chico to read while I was pregnant, and he found it extremely informative (especially the part about “very rapid labor”…).

Favorite Parenting Books for Newborns

Once the little one comes along, you’ve got a whole new set of questions. We continued to refer regularly to Tiny Tot. We also found What to Expect the First Year very useful.

  • What we liked: Well organized, easy to refer to, and often addressed the concerns we were facing in the right time frame (it’s organized by month).
  • Not so hot: It’s quite categorical, and can make you feel like you’re doing something wrong if you’re not doing what they say. It’s also got a LOT of information, which can be overwhelming, but I think that’s a common pitfall with these kinds of books.

With our Bug, we didn’t need to worry much about sleeping issues. He was born an olympic champion of a sleeper. Our Bear, however, gave us a bit more trouble on the sleeping front, and so we consulted:

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth

  • What we liked: It gives pointers that you can put into practice right away, and offers a variety of ideas and potential plans for getting your kid either into a good sleep pattern or back into one when they’ve gone through a transition.
  • Not so hot: It’s heavy on data and statistics, which is reassuring but also dry. That’s why there’s a handy “how to use this book” section at the beginning.

Favorite Parenting Books for Food and Feeding

BLW (or baby-led weaning) is all the rage right now, and we did refer to the book for some information. It’s Baby-Led Weaning by Gill Rapley and Tracey Murkett. We did not end up going whole-hog, but did a combination of BLW and old-fashioned spoon feeding.

Again, Tiny Tot was an amazing resource for beginning solids. It has a whole guide for what kinds of foods to give, including portion size recommendations, etc. It’s got a chart that you can use to tick things off as you keep adding foods, and great suggestions for what to try, and how to prepare it.

Favorite Parenting Books for Behavior

As our Bug got older and we started facing the famous “terrible twos” and “threenager” phases, we looked to some books for advice on behavior management.

Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp

  • What we liked: It provides actionable things that you can put to use IMMEDIATELY, and you will see immediate positive results, if you’re willing adjust your behavior and try something new.
  • Not so hot: It’s SO AMERICAN, and kind of makes you feel like an idiot. But whatever, it works.

Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay

  • What we liked: It challenged us to think differently about how we approach situations, and was also immediately effective.
  • Not so hot: It’s coming from a very Christian background (assuming churchgoing, etc.), which is fine with us as we are Christian, but might not appeal to others. It also assumes that Mom is staying at home full-time with the kids, which is a bit frustrating, but again, does not invalidate the precepts of the book.

Oh Crap! Potty Training, by Jamie Glowacki

I’ve learned that potty training is a polarizing topic among parents these days. We had the attitude that potty training is taught, and that our son was ready to be taught when he was a little over two years old. We did not subscribe to the wait-until-they’re-ready theory, and wanted to help our son out of diapers as soon as possible, for our sanity and for the environment.

  • What we liked: This is a no-nonsense guide, with a healthy dose of reality and a great sense of humor. Her style really fit our parenting style, and when we approached potty training as a fun, teaching-learning activity, it made it relatively smooth.
  • Not so hot: I have trouble thinking about what is not so hot in this book. Other people I have spoken with don’t like the pressure they feel to get their kid out of diapers, or worry that the pressure of potty training will have an adverse effect on their children. In my mind, if you’re pressuring your kid to potty train, you’re not really following this book, and you’ll have an uphill battle to face.

The Best Parenting Advice Ever…

Usually comes from your doctor, close friends and/or family, and your own instincts. These books might give you information and tools, but you’re the one who decides what to do with them.

Our Favorite Baby Gear

In the spirit of answering frequent questions, here’s an article about our favorite baby gear that we’ve used for our two boys.

Lots of friends are hopping on the baby train these days (choo choo!), and since my friends know I love to give advice, they keep asking for tips and suggestions for what to buy for baby. If you’re in this situation, read on for some of our favorite baby gear!

The Number One Best Item of Baby Gear We Ever Bought:

The Skip Hop Pronto Signature Changing Station.

Seriously. Buy it. Actually, if we know each other and you’re expecting a baby, don’t buy it. Because I will buy it for you. It’s that good.

Your kid is likely to be in diapers until about age two, so you will need to change diapers on the go for at least that long. We’ve used this on a daily basis (with only a brief hiatus between when our oldest was potty trained and our second was born).

I don’t like having a “diaper bag” that’s huge and heavy. If you pack this thing right, it’s your diaper bag all in one, and you can toss it into any bag you want to carry. I LOVE IT.

Our Favorite Baby Gear for Sleeping

I’m not going to make a specific crib recommendation. Basically, a crib is a crib is a crib. As long as they’re to standard and safe, and you like the look, then great.

One thing I will say about a crib: we got one with a storage drawer underneath. It has been VERY helpful, especially in smaller living quarters.

For a mattress, I recommend a good, breathable mattress with a firmer infant side and a softer toddler side. We purchased our Simmons Nature’s Beautyrest mattress at Rose ou Bleu in Montreal, but I’m sure they’re available anywhere baby mattresses are sold.

  • Pros: It’s firm enough for baby (as recommended), and the other side is softer for toddlers.
  • Cons: Honestly can’t think of any.

A travel crib is a must if you’re planning to hit the road with baby. We absolutely love our Guava Family Lotus travel crib. It’s been with us to three different continents and has yet to disappoint. When not serving as a travel crib, it sits in our living room as a playpen and easy “baby jail” when we need to leave little one unsupervised for a quick minute.

  • Pros: It has a zippered side that opens up, so it can double as a playpen. It is very light and extremely easy to set up, and it comes with a practical carrying case.
  • Cons: You have to buy the fitted sheet separately. It should NOT be put in the dryer, as it shrinks terribly. Also, the mattress is quite thin. We bought the additional quilted sheet which we put under the fitted sheet, providing more plush.

A rocker or bassinet is a great thing to have, for a safe place to put baby down in the living room or kitchen. We used our Fisher Price Rock n’ Play for both our boys, and it was a big hit. Our kids napped in it, as well as sat and watched people move around them.

NOTE: The Fisher Price website lists this as a sleeper. It is NOT a safe place for unsupervised sleeping, as the baby does not lie flat in the bassinet. This is fine for naps or as a hangout spot when baby is awake.

  • Pros: Baby is sitting up a bit and can look around when not sleeping. Baby also feels nice and snuggled in the bassinet. Our boys loved the warm cozy security of being in here. It folds up for easy storage, and the cloth cover is washable.
  • Cons: Baby is sitting up a bit, so not a safe place for overnight or unsupervised sleeping. Our boys napped in this in the living room, but always slept in their crib at night. I’ve also read complaints that the hard plastic support causes baby’s head to flatten. Dude. Don’t put your baby in here for hours and hours. And do tummy time. Jeez.

Our Favorite Baby Gear for Baby Carrying

When our oldest was born, we lived in a city and used public transportation a lot. Pushing a stroller around was not so useful, we pretty much exclusively carried our Bug until spring finally sprang.

For out and about carrying, we love the Ergo Baby Original carrier. We used it for front carrying when they were smaller, and back carrying when they were larger.

  • Pros: Comfortable, lightweight, and with an available infant insert which allows for use right from birth. It works for front carrying, as well as hip and back carrying. It’s also washable and has a handy pocket for storing small things like tissues or your phone.
  • Cons: It is only for facing baby towards you (no front facing). I’ve read, and our osteopath said, that front facing carrying is not good for the baby’s hips, so we were happy to use this. Both our boys liked it.

For indoor baby wearing, or for baby wearing on the airplane, we liked the Moby wrap. If you’re going to be sitting, this is more comfortable than wearing the Ergo carrier.

  • Pros: Soft, flexible, and easy to use once you practice a bit. Baby is comfortable, and it’s pretty easy to nurse baby in one of these, too.
  • Cons: It’s a stretchy wrap, which is not recommended for back carrying. It also gradually stretches out after being worn for a while, and baby can start to sag.

Our Favorite Baby Gear for Playing

Here are a couple of our favorite toys/games for entertaining baby.

Chico picked up the Tiny Love Take Along mobile, and both our boys loved it from the start. We attached it to the rock n’ play, and the music was honestly not as annoying as I thought.

  • Pros: Nice music, cute animals, goes for about 30 minutes.
  • Cons: Needs batteries, and the music gets stuck in your head.

For a fun place to park the kid when you need to get things done, or when their older sibling is screaming that “SAMMY KEEPS TOUCHING MY TOOOOOYS,” an activity bouncer or something of the kind is fun to have. I can’t speak to any one particular model, but I believe my parents have the Fisher Price jumperoo in their attic in the States, ready to break out for grandkids’ visits.

  • Pros: Safe, fun place to put baby while you cook dinner. It’s entertaining and usually responds to the kid’s movement.
  • Cons: THE MUSIC. It’s maddening. Also, it takes up a lot of space. If you can borrow one of these which you can then return to the owner, that’s probably ideal.

Our Favorite Baby Gear Bits and Bobs

Eating: we’ve used the Fisher Price booster seat for both our boys.

  • Pros: Can be used up to toddlerhood. Easy to clean.
  • Cons: Uses up one of your chairs, but that does mean it doesn’t take up much space.

We also love the Thermos Foogo stainless steel straw water bottle. It keeps water nice and cold.

Some great Ikea products for babies:

Make a Baby List

If you’re expecting and friends and family want to know what to get you for baby, you need a baby list registry. It’s the most practical way to let people know what to get that you really need/want.

Chico and I used babylist.com, an independent registry site that allows you to bring together items from all different websites. If you stick to just Amazon, then you can only choose things available there.

Yes yes, we know that Amazon pretty much has EVERYTHING these days, but not always! Especially if you’re located outside the US.

I’ve got more…

If you want to hear about our bigger purchases (car seats, stroller, hiking backpack, bike trailer, etc.), let me know in the comments below. I can write an article about bigger baby gear we like.

Top Five Tips for Traveling with Kids

A girlfriend texted me in panic: “JANE! I’m flying from Canada to New Zealand tomorrow! QUICK! TOP TRAVEL TIPS WITH KIDS!”

Then she admonished me for not having a handy blog article about this for her to refer to. So Tash, this one is for you.

Just a little background, in case you’re wondering what qualifies me to give such advice. Before my oldest son was one year old, he had been on 19 flights (meaning, I had been on 19 flights with him). My second son is now nearly 10 months old, and he has already been on 8 flights.

Trust me. I know a thing or two about this.

Top Travel Tip #1: Stick to a Schedule

As a traveling adult, I usually recommend you set your watch to the local time at your destination and then try to go by that schedule.

When traveling with kids, though, that doesn’t work. They can’t understand time differences, and they need to listen to their body clocks.

Plan your carry-on gear and activities to go along with your home time zone. If you’re going to be on a plane at bedtime, take pyjamas, toothbrushes and toothpaste, bedtime story books, etc.

Have meals ready for your home time zone mealtimes (if kid-friendly meals aren’t offered on the flight, or if you have picky eaters, pack your own). Gather the kids together for meals at the time their body clocks expect them, and try to maintain something like your home mealtime routine. Get to the bathroom, wash hands, sit down, etc., for example.

If your kids nap, try and get them to settle for at least a rest when they would normally nap. It may or may not work (usually doesn’t), but they might agree to have some “quiet time”.

Yeah, you’re going to have to adjust to a new time zone when you get to your destination, but you can cross that bridge when you get to it.

Top Travel Tip #2: Rules go out the Window

No TV at home? FORGET IT!

Limited screen time? FORGET IT!

Sweets and snacks are verboten? FORGET IT!

Okay, you don’t have to go nuts, but you get the picture. Traveling with kids is HARD, and you’re going to need all the help you can get, even if that means letting them watch hours of cartoons and movies.

If your kid is getting antsy and wanting to watch more TV or eat some of the snacks being passed around by the flight attendants, let them! It makes traveling seem special.

And honestly? Whatever works.

Top Travel Tip #3: Snacks, Snacks, Snacks!

Do you know what your kid’s favorite snack is? PACK TONS OF IT.

In moments of boredom or desperation, a well-timed snack is always handy. You can try to keep it healthy, of course, or increase the sense of occasion by providing snacks you normally wouldn’t at home.

Top Travel Tip #4: Entertainment

My attitude when traveling with kids is that I will not rest until we reach our destination (if then…). For that reason, I arm myself with scads of entertainment options.

Books, coloring, games… you name it. Old favorites work, but nothing beats breaking out something new for keeping attention for longer than a few seconds.

Entertainment includes screen time. Take along some kid-friendly headphones, and take a look through the in-flight entertainment system. There are also games and puzzles we do together.

And don’t forget the iPad! We have a collection of “airplane games” as we call them. My son is only allowed to play these when we’re traveling, which makes them special.

Our games include Oceanhouse Media Dr Seuss books (you have to pay for these), and a few free games, including a Thomas and Friends game, and others.

Entertainment also means moving around. Yes, you don’t want to bother other travellers, but at the same time your kid has got to move.

Don’t let them run wild by any means, but taking walks up and down the aisles, exploring the galleys, and “exciting” bathroom trips are always options. Flight attendants are super nice, and often have games and things available for kids (especially Lufthansa!). The best way to keep your kid from crawling up the walls or kicking the back of the seat in front of her is to let her move as much as possible during flight.

No, not everyone is going to love it, but neither is everyone going to be happy if your kid is staying still in one place, screaming.

Top Travel Tip #5: Nurse & Baby Wearing

This only applies for nursing moms traveling with babies. My oldest boy nursed for 10 months, and my second is nearly 10 months and is still going strong.

Nothing beats nursing for comforting, calming, and otherwise keeping your baby in one place. Nursing during take off and landing can help avoid ear popping.

During flight, if you haven’t managed to snag a bulkhead row with a bassinet (I HIGHLY recommend you try to!), baby wearing can be a life saver. I always used a soft wrap (we had the Moby wrap) for flying, as I find them more comfortable to sit in than the structured carriers. The most comfortable carrier we found is the ErgoBaby.

Go With the Flow

The most important tip is to remember that your kids are not adults. Meaning, they cannot reason away the fatigue or understand the impact jet lag has on their bodies.

Be patient with them, and try to keep your sense of humor.

I do not think that parents need to hand out “goodie bags” to travellers sitting around them. You don’t have to feel guilty for traveling with your kids, or try to placate fellow travellers with treats.

The best way to keep your seat neighbors happy is to dedicate your energy to your kids. Keep them entertained, have patience, and show kindness and empathy when they are having a hard time.

And have a stiff drink, or a well-deserved cup of tea when you get to your destination.

Happy summer travels!

second_pregnancy_syndrome

Second Pregnancy Syndrome

Second Pregnancy Syndrome (or SPS as I like to think of it) is definitely a thing.

During a first pregnancy, you’re in a honeymoon period. Whether you feel sick or fantastic, you’re constantly aware of your pregnancy.

You get weekly update emails from websites like babycenter.com or pregnantchicken.com (these were hilarious and a personal favorite).

When people ask you how far along you are, you can tell them exactly how many weeks and days.

You have time to lie around the house, feeling those little movements that make your heart glow, and do all the nesting you want.

Your baby room looks ah-maaaaa-zing, like something off of Pinterest.

When you get home from work, you can collapse into bed without a care in the world.

Fast Forward to Your Second Pregnancy

This is an entirely different ball game. And it’s not as much fun.

You may still feel sick, or perhaps you feel fantastic. But you’re definitely TIRED. The fatigue of the first trimester hits you like a mack truck coming full speed out of the fog.

You think, “Ok, I’ll lie down and take it easy.” But as soon as you lie down, a little voice says, “Mamaaaaaaa… Let’s plaaaaaaay…”

Oh Right. You have a Toddler.

Your first kid is likely somewhere between 20 months and 36 months old. This is a notoriously difficult age: the Terrible Twos.

Any kind of change is a huge drama to your toddler. And at this point, your toddler’s emotional brain is hugely over-developed. So everything is ALL ABOUT THE EMOTIONS. They’re overpowering. They’re overwhelming. They lead to meltdowns and tantrums at the drop of a hat.

You’ve got to manage a tantrum, or somehow go through the mechanics of your routine without being sick all over your kid, or falling asleep in your chair.

Second Pregnancy Syndrome Symptoms: Ain’t Nobody Got Time for That

The symptoms of Second Pregnancy Syndrome are as follows:

All that time you had during your first pregnancy? Gone.

Regular nap time? Dream on (unless you’re lucky and your toddler still naps).

Knowing exactly how far along you are? HA! “What? I’m pregnant? I’d have forgotten if I hadn’t just barfed in the kitchen sink.”

Reading weekly email updates comparing your foetus to fruit and vegetables? Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Doing your stretching, pregnancy exercises or labor breathing practice? See above.

Preparing that perfect baby room? Dang, this kid will be lucky if he/she gets a bed to sleep in!

Some Solutions for SPS

It’s not all bad news, though. There are ways to combat SPS, and to make life during a second pregnancy a little easier to handle.

1. Convert your toddler to a big girl/guy

Kids at this age love to be helpful, and to feel like they are trusted with responsibilities. Make your little one feel like a big girl/guy by asking for his/her help. Whether it’s help making breakfast, tidying up, getting dressed on their own like a big kid, or brushing their teeth, every little bit helps.

You can even take it a step further and potty train your kid. According to Jamie Glowacki (potty training expert and the “pied piper of poop”), 20-30 months is the ideal time to potty train your kid. We took that to heart and seized the opportunity to potty train and get one kid out of diapers before another one starts out with them.

We found that potty training our son gave him confidence, made him feel proud of himself, and spurred on his desire to be a “big guy.” He now climbs into his car seat on his own (hooray for not having to pick up 15kg of toddler while pregnant!), no longer sits in a booster seat, brushes his teeth on his own and gets himself dressed. All helpful.

2. Ask for help

No one is going to judge you for hiring a regular babysitter to watch your kid while you take a nap.

If your toddler isn’t in daycare, look into options. If you’re working and your toddler is in daycare, find a reliable babysitter who can come in on a regular basis to help out. Sometimes it helps just to have someone play with your kid while you throw some dinner together.

Get your partner involved. Work out a schedule whereby you can both be home at the same time in the evening (prime toddler meltdown hour), so you can work together to get that kid to bed before you collapse.

If you have family around, ask for help. Even if it’s your overbearing mother-in-law (I cannot speak from personal experience here, but I’ve heard they exist), bite the bullet and ask if she can watch your toddler for an afternoon a week, or maybe even do one overnight a week.

3. Remember to take care of yourself

This is the hardest one, and I’ve definitely failed at it.

Being diagnosed as dangerously anaemic reminded me that I need to eat better and take care of myself, not just my big guy.

Do what you can to eat well, and get plenty of rest. If possible, try and get in a gentle walk a few times a week. Getting outside will help both you and your toddler (and you can’t really do anything but gentle walking when you’re with a toddler).

It’s so much easier said than done, and I’m still struggling with this one. As moms, we often worry about everyone’s well-being but our own.

Remember: when you’re pregnant, it’s not just your well-being, but also that of your baby. So just do it: lie down for that nap instead of putting on a load of laundry. It’s good for you.