Back in the Saddle

One year. One WHOLE year. (Okay, maybe a bit more, but I’ll call it a year.)

That’s how long I’ve been away from this blog. If I’m going to call myself a writer, I think I need to actually sit down and write. Amirite? So here goes nothing!

Time has flown by so quickly, and yet so much has happened.

We left Deutschland. Much as we loved it, we had to leave it. We picked up and moved, yet again, and our situation is only stabilizing now after months of drifting.

Since May, we’ve been in transition. Transition and change are tough on everyone, but especially small people who don’t understand what’s going on.

Our boys, being highly sensitive, picked up on our stress and anxiety and made it wholly their own. Not in a good way. In fact, in a pretty terrible way (especially for our Bug who is now 4.5). We hopped from country to country, and then continents, and the only thing that was consistent was me. I was the only person they saw every day, the only stabilizing force in their little lives.

That made them cling to me like barnacles to a boat. What made it so hard was that I had to be their rock when I felt like anything but. It was a long period of change, doubt, uncertainty, regret and questioning for me, but I still had to try to provide consistency and routine for the boys.

There’s the old line, “Fake it until you make it.” I think the last few months have proved that true for me. Faking it was me trying to impose routine and regularity by keeping to a rough daily schedule of activities, meals and naps. Amidst all the chaos, I did my best to normalize things for them. While I admit I could have done a lot better, I could also have done A LOT worse.

Now that we have our own space, the boys are in school, and we’re settling into a routine, I feel like we’ve made it. The boys are thriving, which is always gratifying to see.

Whether I’ve “made it” or not is still up in the air. But I’ve written enough for today. Let’s see if I can keep this up and write a little bit each week. Wish me luck!

Jane

The Brain In Jane works mainly in the rain. It's always raining somewhere. Find me on Twitter, Google+, and Pinterest.

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